Why Confidence Isn’t Enough: What Women Need to Know About Power at Work

Why Confidence Isn’t Enough: What Women Need to Know About Power at Work

Women hear it all the time.

Be more confident.

Speak up.

Raise your hand.

Own the room.

Believe in yourself.

And yes, confidence matters.

But after my conversation with Kisha Wynter, executive coach, author, speaker, and former Fortune 50 HR leader, I kept coming back to a bigger question:

What if confidence isn’t actually the problem?

What if women are already capable?

Already qualified?

Already delivering results?

And what if the reason they still feel overlooked, underestimated, or stuck has less to do with confidence—and more to do with power?

That’s the conversation at the center of Episode 85 of the Her Resources Podcast.

And it’s one I think far more women need to hear.

Confidence and Power Are Not the Same Thing

Confidence is internal.

It’s how you feel about your ability.

Power is external.

It’s your ability to influence decisions, shape outcomes, access opportunities, and move ideas forward.

Those are not the same thing.

A woman can be highly confident and still have very little influence inside an organization.

She can know she’s capable and still be left out of important conversations.

She can be an excellent performer and still be overlooked for advancement.

She can speak up and still not be heard.

That’s why telling women to “be more confident” can become frustratingly incomplete advice.

Confidence helps.

But confidence without power literacy can only take you so far.

Hard Work Is Not the Same as Influence

Many of us were taught a simple formula:

Work hard. Do a great job. Someone will notice.

And sometimes that works.

But often, it doesn’t.

Because organizations don’t run on performance alone.

They run on relationships.

Visibility.

Trust.

Reputation.

Alignment.

Influence.

Perception.

Timing.

And yes, politics.

That doesn’t mean merit doesn’t matter.

It means merit is only one part of how organizations actually function.

Kisha challenges the idea that performance alone guarantees advancement.

And for many women, that can be an uncomfortable realization.

Because if you’ve built your identity around being the reliable one, the high performer, the person who always delivers, it can feel deeply unfair to learn that excellent work is not always enough.

But understanding that reality gives you something important:

A better map.

The Visible Org Chart Is Only Half the Story

Every organization has an official org chart.

It tells you who reports to whom.

Who owns which function.

Who has which title.

But Kisha talks about another structure that often matters even more:

The invisible power chart.

Who actually influences decisions?

Who has the CEO’s ear?

Who gets asked for input before the meeting?

Who shapes the narrative?

Who has credibility across departments?

Who can slow something down—or move it forward?

Who is trusted when things get difficult?

That invisible structure often explains far more about how decisions get made than the formal org chart does.

And if you don’t understand it, you can spend years working hard inside a system you don’t fully know how to navigate.

Power Literacy Starts With Reading the Room

One of the most useful ideas from our conversation is that power literacy isn’t about becoming manipulative.

It’s about becoming observant.

What language does your organization respond to?

What does leadership care about?

What gets funded?

What gets rewarded?

What problems get attention?

What kind of people get promoted?

What stories do senior leaders tell?

What metrics matter?

What behaviors are seen as strategic?

These are clues.

And they tell you how power actually works.

The more senior you become, the less your job is simply about doing the work.

It becomes about aligning your work to what the organization values.

That shift can be difficult for high performers who have built their reputation around execution.

But it’s critical.

Senior Leaders Don’t Just Execute. They Align.

At lower levels, strong execution can make you stand out.

At higher levels, leaders are expected to do something different.

They connect dots.

They align teams.

They understand priorities.

They anticipate risk.

They influence across functions.

They help other people see why something matters.

That means a woman can continue performing at an extremely high level and still be seen as “not quite ready” for the next step.

Not because she lacks ability.

But because the organization is looking for a different kind of value.

This is where power literacy becomes career literacy.

You have to understand what the next level actually requires.

Why High-Performing Women Still Get Overlooked

This is where the conversation gets especially important.

Women are often told to prove themselves through performance.

So they do.

They take on more.

They deliver.

They solve problems.

They become indispensable.

And then they look around and wonder why someone else is getting the opportunity.

Often, the issue isn’t competence.

It’s visibility.

Relationships.

Sponsorship.

Strategic positioning.

Or the fact that their work is valuable but not visible to the people who make advancement decisions.

That doesn’t mean the system is fair.

It means understanding the system becomes part of navigating it.

Power Leaks: The Small Ways We Give Influence Away

Kisha uses the term power leaks to describe some of the subtle ways women can unintentionally diminish their own influence.

Things like:

Shrinking in the room.

Hesitating before speaking.

Over-accommodating.

Over-explaining.

Deferring even when you have expertise.

Softening your point until the point disappears.

Waiting for permission.

Giving away credit.

Allowing others to define the value of your contribution.

None of these behaviors necessarily look dramatic.

But over time, they send signals.

And those signals shape how other people experience your leadership.

The challenge isn’t becoming louder.

It’s becoming more deliberate.

You Don’t Have to Become Someone Else to Build Power

This distinction matters.

Power is often associated with dominance.

Manipulation.

Politics.

Control.

And for many women, that makes the idea of becoming “more powerful” feel uncomfortable.

But Kisha reframes power as something far more useful:

The ability to create impact.

That doesn’t require abandoning your values.

It doesn’t require becoming aggressive.

It doesn’t require performing a version of leadership that feels inauthentic.

It means understanding how influence works and using it intentionally.

The Likability Tightrope Is Real

Women leaders often face an additional challenge.

Be too warm, and you may not be seen as strong enough.

Be too direct, and you may be seen as difficult.

Be decisive, and someone may call you abrasive.

Be collaborative, and someone may question your authority.

This is the likability tightrope.

And pretending it doesn’t exist doesn’t make it disappear.

But power literacy can help women navigate it with more intention.

The goal isn’t to be liked by everyone.

The goal is to be clear about your values, your contribution, and the kind of leader you want to be.

Go Where You’re Celebrated, Not Tolerated

One of the strongest lines from our conversation is the reminder to:

Go where you’re celebrated, not tolerated.

There comes a point where navigating a system becomes different from trying to force a system to value you.

Not every organization deserves your talent.

Not every culture is going to recognize your contribution.

Not every leader is going to see what you bring.

Power also means knowing when to stop trying to prove yourself in a room committed to misunderstanding you.

Sometimes the most strategic move is not to work harder.

It’s to choose a different room.

Incomplete Advice Doesn’t Scale

“Be more confident.”

“Speak up.”

“Lean in.”

“Advocate for yourself.”

None of that advice is necessarily wrong.

It’s just incomplete.

Because it assumes the individual is the only variable.

But careers unfold inside systems.

And systems have cultures, politics, hierarchies, incentives, relationships, and informal rules.

If we want more women to advance, we need to do two things at the same time:

Help women understand how power works.

And challenge organizations to create systems where advancement doesn’t depend on invisible rules.

Both matter.

Three Ways to Reclaim Power Now

Toward the end of our conversation, Kisha offers practical ways women can start building power immediately.

The first is to understand the room before you enter it.

Do the pre-work.

Who will be there?

What do they care about?

What decision is being made?

What objections might come up?

Who needs to be aligned beforehand?

The second is to become more intentional about your visibility.

Don't assume good work speaks for itself.

Make sure the right people understand the value you are creating.

And the third is to stop leaking power through unnecessary hesitation, shrinking, or over-accommodation.

You do not need to become louder.

You need to become clearer.

Power Multiplies When You Use It to Lift Others

One of the most compelling parts of Kisha’s perspective is that power isn’t something you hoard.

It can be multiplied.

You gain influence.

Then you use that influence to open doors.

Sponsor someone.

Share access.

Create opportunities.

Amplify another voice.

Challenge a broken norm.

That’s a very different model of power than the one many people fear.

It’s not power over.

It’s power with.

And that may be one of the most important leadership shifts we need.

The Question Women Should Start Asking

Instead of asking:

“How can I be more confident?”

Try asking:

“How does influence actually work here?”

Who has it?

Why?

How are decisions made?

What gets rewarded?

Where am I leaking power?

Where do I need more visibility?

Who needs to understand the value I bring?

Those questions move us from self-doubt to strategy.

And that is a very different place from which to build a career.

Confidence Matters. But It Is Not the Whole Story.

Women do not need another generation of advice telling them to simply believe in themselves more.

Many already do.

What they need is a clearer understanding of how organizations work.

How power moves.

How influence is built.

How visibility matters.

How performance gets translated into opportunity.

And how to recognize when a system is not willing to value what they bring.

Confidence helps you enter the room.

Power literacy helps you understand what happens once you're there.

🎙 Listen to Episode 85 with Kisha Wynter

In Episode 85 of the Her Resources Podcast, I sit down with Kisha Wynter, executive coach, author, speaker, and former Fortune 50 HR leader, for a powerful conversation about confidence, power, visibility, leadership, influence, and why high performance alone may not be enough to move your career forward.

Connect with Kisha:
Your Power Unleashed

Explore Kisha’s book:
Your Power Unleashed Book

Connect on LinkedIn:
Kisha Wynter on LinkedIn

Follow Kisha:
Instagram | YouTube

If this conversation made you rethink what career growth really requires, share it with another woman who has been working hard and wondering why she still feels overlooked.

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